They say love is supposed to heal.
why is my heart
as fragile as glass,
shattering the more you love me?
— An anonymous escape from life
Art by Sandra Cumplido
A small thought prompted a question that is forever in the back of my mind.
I’ve read numerous poems stating: “Real love isn’t supposed to hurt. It heals.”
I know that the love between Mitch and I is real, whether it may be platonic or romantic. We both have extremely mature mindsets and hence, aren’t making a huge fuss about it either.
This was the first time in three years that I felt genuinely loved by someone…
Except that while it initially felt great, nowadays it’s turned into pain.
Why, you may ask?
I question why he cares. Why he loves me to the extent that he does.
How can he treat me in such a caring manner?
Me, a sad person who is a burden, forever tormented by emotional pain.
A person who is always being spoon-fed with emotional support and never giving anything in return.
A person who never seems to make anyone happy, but only causes others to feel pain.
I feel as though I don’t deserve any of it.
It hurts because I feel so underserving of all he gives me. He sacrifices his time, his happiness, and his friendships just to be by my side. To support me and make me feel content. To keep me alive.
I want to push him away. I want him to live his life in happiness without me by his side. Yet, I can’t bear to lose him. Even the thought of it shatters me.
There is an ongoing battle between my heart and head.
And there are often times where I want to give up.