That crippling feeling / TW

That crippling feeling,

when you’re happy one moment,

a trigger comes along,

and your in deep shit the next.

And you can’t control the flow of tears

as they cascade down your cheek,

as relentless as the voice in the back of your mind,

that says you are not good enough.

That says to go kill yourself

because you are no worth to anyone

in this world.

That says you are a leech

to all those you love so

tenderly and wholeheartedly.

And all the strength you had mustered over the years,

the torn fabric of your life that you

gruellingly sewed together–

fragment by fragment,

seam by seam,

thread by thread,

is torn apart in that single moment

where you lose all hope

and the devil within your soul

cries out in victory.

The only thing left for you to do

is cry in despair.

To let your spirit bleed

and eventually become parched

of all its goodness.

Of all its purity, clarity and genuity.

This is the cycle of my life.

Happiness one moment,

gone the next.

— An anonymous escape from life 

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Art by Shaza Wajjokh

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Apologies for the rawness of this random piece of writing. A few days ago my Mum and sister got into an argument (over the most stupid thing ever in my opinion), and eavesdropping on their conversation whilst dealing with their harsh tone of voice triggered me. Amidst a fit of relentless tears I somehow typed this up on my tablet without really paying attention to what I was doing. After reading back over it a day later, I thought it would be interesting to show others what my mind wanders off too.