That crippling feeling,
when you’re happy one moment,
a trigger comes along,
and your in deep shit the next.
And you can’t control the flow of tears
as they cascade down your cheek,
as relentless as the voice in the back of your mind,
that says you are not good enough.
That says to go kill yourself
because you are no worth to anyone
in this world.
That says you are a leech
to all those you love so
tenderly and wholeheartedly.
And all the strength you had mustered over the years,
the torn fabric of your life that you
gruellingly sewed togetherβ
fragment by fragment,
seam by seam,
thread by thread,
is torn apart in that single moment
where you lose all hope
and the devil within your soul
cries out in victory.
The only thing left for you to do
is cry in despair.
To let your spirit bleed
and eventually become parched
of all its goodness.
Of all its purity, clarity and genuity.
This is the cycle of my life.
Happiness one moment,
gone the next.
β An anonymous escape from lifeΒ
***
Art by Shaza Wajjokh
***
Apologies for the rawness of this random piece of writing. A few days ago my Mum and sister got into an argument (over the most stupid thing ever in my opinion), and eavesdropping on their conversation whilst dealing with their harsh tone of voice triggered me. Amidst a fit of relentless tears I somehow typed this up on my tablet without really paying attention to what I was doing. After reading back over it a day later, I thought it would be interesting to show others what my mind wanders off too.
Great one! Loved it
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Thank you for such kind words π
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Sometimes our deepest healing comes from being so raw.
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Completely agree π
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Loved every word, felt it was written just for me. All that I feel has been depicted here as a picture. Thank you for sharing this.
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Thank you so much βΊοΈ It’s my pleasure!
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π
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Great
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Thank you π
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Wow, great poem! I’ve never read something I relate to so much… I’ve never really talked about how I feel so it’s good to know I’m not alone
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Thank you π It’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone too!
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Our minds can seem so in control sometimes. Fighting sucks and fighting with our families is extremely hard even if you just have to hear it. Your words are powerful. I to this day have to ‘monitor’ my thoughts at times so the don’t go to negative and hopeless when I am triggered. I appreciate the reminder, that I am not alone in this struggle. Some days are worse than others. Writing it out and taking care of myself really help combat my personal inner demons as I call them. Those voices that tell me of my worthlessness have no power when I am strong and healthy. If I let my mind wander my ego loves to gain control and tell me ‘stories’ of my uselessness. Stay strong! Thank you for this piece it has been a great reminder that I am not alone and I am on the right track….
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Thank you so much for your support! π
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I can relate so bad to this.
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You’re not alone π
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I too can relate to this feeling alot. It helps to know others feel it too. Such a talent to be able to put that into words so beautifully. Thankyou so much for sharing.
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Thank you for such kind words π
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You’re very welcome π
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Been there so total identification
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Ohhhh my God this is me!!!! I feel like my happiness is so fragile. The smallest thing will push me over the edge then I’m back to being miserable and trying to call my friends who either don’t have time for me, think I need to just get over, figure I’m strong so I’ll figure it out, tell me I’m being ungrateful ππππ
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Glad to know there’s someone out there who shares my struggles… π
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So hauntingly beautiful.
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Thanks so much π
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Truly relate to this poem. Thank you for sharing.
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Thanks for reading π
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We have all at some point of time lost hope on multiple aspects “and the devil within your soul cries out in victory”……….couldn’t describe better…..so relatable….good work……happy writing!!
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Thanks π
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