20 apologies I wish I could tell you before 2018

I want to tell you that I’m sorry for everything.

Sorry for just being me.

Sorry for being overly demanding at times, being inconsiderate, lashing out when I am not in a good headspace.

Sorry for being too emotionally dependent and always seeking attention.

Sorry for acting clingy. Sorry for always being by your side.

Sorry that I can’t reciprocate the help you give me.

Sorry that my personality is eccentric. That I have mood swings. That I may love you one moment and hate you the next.

Sorry that I have so much negative energy. That our every conversation always seems to bore you. Or trail off into nothingness.

Sorry that I have such high expectations of you when I myself am made of low ones.

Sorry that I am so hard on myself. Sorry that I always put myself down. Sorry that I lack the confidence to be who I want to be.

Sorry that I am always in tears.

Sorry that I bottle-up my emotions and keep them to myself.

Sorry that I can’t accept my imperfections or let go of the past.

Sorry for being hard to understand.

Sorry for being upset when you have in fact done nothing wrong.

Sorry for treating you like a toy. Sorry for yearning for help, then rejecting it when you make such efforts.

Sorry for never pleasing you. Sorry for never being able to bring you happiness, just as you bring me mine.

Sorry for being a distraction and intruding into your life.

Sorry for being blind. Sorry for being stubborn. Sorry for my pretentious behaviour.

Sorry for not being able to let you go.

And I’m sorry for loving you when I can’t even love myself.

10 thoughts on “20 apologies I wish I could tell you before 2018

  1. Maya Northen says:

    This practically had me in tears (and would have, if I wasn’t at work at a front reception desk). This completely explains how I feel. Thank you for writing this. While nobody should have to feel this way, it’s nice to know I’m not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. trans4nation says:

    This is the most honest and painful pieces of poetry I have yet read here on Word Press. That said, we feel you are being remarkably hard on yourself. This piece makes me cry every time we read it. Some of our tears are for the pain expressed and others are from the part of ourselves we see in some of what we have read. It is our belief that you are a far better person than this work would suggest, a fact we have gleaned from your other writing. We wish for you happiness which you are fully worthy of.

    Liked by 2 people

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