And I gaze up at the stars
each and every night
praying that wherever you are,
you have finally found
— An anonymous escape from life
Art by Hallie Elizabeth | @hallieartwork (Instagram)
When my friend texted me to tell me of your passing, I thought she was joking. Then I went and searched it up online, and my heart literally stopped.
Even though I’m not the biggest Shawol, it still devastated me to hear of the terrible news. It devastated me to hear that someone so talented, so kindhearted, and someone so hardworking had lost their life to the word we simply throw around everyday: depression.
No one knew. No one knew that behind your widest grins and sparkling eyes, you were broken inside. Crying for help, Desperate for an escape. I cannot begin to imagine how long you have been succumbing to these feelings, and how long you have been enduring the pain for. I’m sure you held onto that fraying thread of hope with all your strength, and I’m proud of you.
I read your final letter. I watched your funeral procession. Initially I was too shocked to cry, but seeing your fellow members in such grief broke something inside of me. I relate so much to the words of your letter. I know what it feels like to be trapped inside a mind that so desperately yearns for an escape. I know what it feels like to be not understood. I know what it feels like to be fighting against myself. I know that feeling of loneliness despite having so many companions around me. I know what it feels like to be on the verge of giving up.
Thank you for blessing us with your music. Thank you for soothing our ears with your angelic voice. Thank you for all the smiles you have placed on Shawols’ faces. Thank you for being an inspiration to many. Thank you for loving and taking care of your hoobaes. Most of all, thank you for all your efforts.
Our precious Bling bling jjong, you did well. Not just well– you did amazing.
Wherever you are, may you rest in peace.