Eternal sadness

The worst thing about depression is that you can genuinely be happy.

Laughter will clear your soul. Smiles will dry your tears. Happy chatter will distract you from inner thoughts.

But once you enter that same dark room of nothingness; those familiar four walls, all joy dissipates.

Call me selfish.

Sometimes I wish I’d be in eternal sadness.

Rather than the exhausting merry-go-round of happiness one moment, emptiness the next.

37 thoughts on “Eternal sadness

  1. aguycalledbloke says:

    Sadly this covers the truly deeply insidiousness of depression – the highs and lows, the rollercoaster of misery and euphoria all at times in the same day. I can understand how you would wish for a permanency of melancholy, but perhaps optimistically is to view it as such – each bout of happiness, lasts just a little longer than the previous one, and this – this means that the end of the dark tunnel we all have walked becomes just a little closer – after-all if not for that light why do we write, get out bed, eat … so we are not always controlled and governed by the big nasty D – nice wording – keep smiling πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Matthew G says:

    I have been there before as well. You know, throughout the time I spent to learn myself how to understand my own feelings, some realisation came up to this foolish mind of mine – as long as you think about it, it is the neverending fight where you hit the wall and step back again. Once you allow yourself to ignore and explore the horizon, a sensation of goals, dreams and other things might turn to be the key to this cage. Be brave! πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  3. bravingmentalillness says:

    That is a good point. For years I was so numb that feeling anything was better than nothing. So, the ups and downs were better than nothing. Now I have fewer down moments. I hope you will feel that way soon too. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. writingforjoy says:

    Happy and sad are feelings that sky rocket and plummet. But I found fullness of Joy is not based on the emotions of the moment or the circumstances around me but a KNOWING. Now on those sad and very emotional days, I return to what I know…rather than what I feel. I remember the feelings are not permanent. I return to fullness of Joy. For me this works.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. thankyouforyourcandor says:

    This is so real. Moving from a place where I had friends to now a place where I don’t know anyone can bring out the sadness in me for sure. But I am trying to find the permanent light.

    Liked by 1 person

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