Yet despite all this, you stayed

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I wanted to be the girl with a perfect face of makeup. The girl who was comfortable in her own skin, donning the latest kicks and fingers adorned with rings. The girl who would go out with friends every so often, partying and drinking her troubles away.

Instead, I was the girl whose mascara would run. The girl who’d hide her scarred body in trackies and sleeves. The girl who would shut herself off from the rest of the world, devoid of human interaction.

I wanted to be the girl who dreamed big. The girl who strived for success, aiming high. The girl who always aspired to be someone great, working towards her goals. The girl whose every day started afresh with a clean, open mind.

Instead, I was the girl who’d shy away from the future. The girl who was scared of independence. The girl whose head was filled with blackened thoughts and self-loathing. The girl who simply struggled to live.

I wanted to be the girl whose cheeks would ache from smiling. The girl who could conquer every fear and climb every mountain with not a bead of sweat on her forehead. The girl who could care for others as well as caring for herself.

Instead, I was the girl with a heart of glass. The girl who’d shatter over and over again with no hope of piecing herself together. The girl who’d scream her throat raw and wake up to a pillow drenched in tears. The girl who could love others but never herself.

Yet despite all this, you stayed.

// A.N. This was truly the hardest post I’ve ever written. Proofreading this brought tears to my eyes. Usually I alter my writing to be more suitable and sound more lyrical, so they aren’t true reflections of myself. However, this piece was 100% me. One day, I’d like the person who stayed despite all my imperfections to read this. I have so much to thank him for.Β 

***

Art by Davide Aurilia

40 thoughts on “Yet despite all this, you stayed

  1. Jyoti Soni says:

    So touching, I’m all in tears.
    If you ever want to talk about this, you have a friend here you can talk to! I’ve gone through something similar I guess and have the same feelings…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. xtina says:

    This post spoke to me so much. I used to be the same way so I talk about things such as loving yourself and growth on my blog. If you ever need someone to talk to, I can relate! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Alice says:

    ❀ ❀ ❀ being honest with yourself and writing these thoughts out – you're amazing! same as you, i've someone who stayed despite everything and taught me to love myself. these people are just ❀

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sincerely, Your Friend says:

    I’m proud of you for getting where you are today. Keep pushing. I hope you can learn to love yourself, even if you have to start with the little things. It’s hard, but it’s possible. You are more than welcome to reach out to me. I’m 18 and trying to figure out where I stand in life so if you need someone who will listen and relate, I’m here for you. Your words are so poetic and beautiful. Much love

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Shabri says:

    I cannot explain in words how lovely this poem is.. I think we all have an image in our brain about how a beautiful person looks like and it takes a lot courage to be and love the person that you are ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Auroraboros says:

    This is beautiful in it’s honesty and genuine representation of the struggles you and so many others face with self perception and mental health. I applaud you for speaking your truth and facing your hardships head-on. I also applaud the one who stayed… Much love to both of you.

    Liked by 1 person

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