I wanted to be the girl with a perfect face of makeup. The girl who was comfortable in her own skin, donning the latest kicks and fingers adorned with rings. The girl who would go out with friends every so often, partying and drinking her troubles away.
Instead, I was the girl whose mascara would run. The girl who’d hide her scarred body in trackies and sleeves. The girl who would shut herself off from the rest of the world, devoid of human interaction.
I wanted to be the girl who dreamed big. The girl who strived for success, aiming high. The girl who always aspired to be someone great, working towards her goals. The girl whose every day started afresh with a clean, open mind.
Instead, I was the girl who’d shy away from the future. The girl who was scared of independence. The girl whose head was filled with blackened thoughts and self-loathing. The girl who simply struggled to live.
I wanted to be the girl whose cheeks would ache from smiling. The girl who could conquer every fear and climb every mountain with not a bead of sweat on her forehead. The girl who could care for others as well as caring for herself.
Instead, I was the girl with a heart of glass. The girl who’d shatter over and over again with no hope of piecing herself together. The girl who’d scream her throat raw and wake up to a pillow drenched in tears. The girl who could love others but never herself.
Yet despite all this, you stayed.
// A.N. This was truly the hardest post I’ve ever written. Proofreading this brought tears to my eyes. Usually I alter my writing to be more suitable and sound more lyrical, so they aren’t true reflections of myself. However, this piece was 100% me. One day, I’d like the person who stayed despite all my imperfections to read this. I have so much to thank him for.
Art by Davide Aurilia