To date, no one who I know in person actively knows about this blog. Initially it started off as a way to rid myself of all the emotions I was bottling up inside, and still to this day I occasionally post about my life issues. However, to my current followers it’s probably obvious that I’ve steered towards the poetry side of things in regards to the direction of this blog.
I started this blog back in May 2016, where I would post excerpts and reflections of my handwritten journal. Thinking back to my first post, I remember having the highest of expectations. I wanted to get hundreds of views, hundreds of likes, and immediate followers in that instant. Of course, that was pretty unrealistic. Even with the use of tags the maximum views I got that day was three, and two were most likely from myself. I remember being impatient, constantly checking my stats to see if my site traffic had any improvements, and I’d be disappointed at the results.
It seems to me that back then, I only blogged for the sake of FAME.
Especially in 2016, I was beginning to slip in terms of my mental health. I would feel extremely lonely, and as if there was no one who would simply sit down and listen to me. I was afraid to open up to people and never expressed my true personality. While not showing it physically, I sought validation from others. I was struggling to find self-worth and feel as though I actually made a difference in others’ lives. In saying this, creating this blog was my way of making efforts to find that validation. I wanted people to read my story, to enjoy it, to share it with others. As a rather antisocial person I wanted people to comment and express their opinions. I wanted too much and only ever got so little.
Life doesn’t work that way unfortunately.
Up until May 2017, my posts mostly consisted of rants and brain-vomits of my life issues. I barely had to think to write those. I put no love and efforts into those posts. It was just a matter of my fingers typing away on my laptop, finding a random image for a header and hitting the publish button. Then I’d expect to see the likes immediately flooding my notifications and feel the glory of instant fame. I used to think that having blog “awards” meant you were more popular, and used to always anticipate a nomination. I dreamt of having a blog with all sorts of badges down the side of my homepage. It wasn’t until I actually sat down and spent over an hour typing up my first post of writing “Dear Old Me” that things began to change.
That was the post that racked up about 30 likes in an hour, and sent my views skyrocketing. To date that post has 47 likes, 135 views and 15 comments. A huge difference in comparison to my posts prior. While those stats aren’t staggering, back then it was a huge achievement considering the traffic I used to receive.
All because I simply put love into my posts, things began to change.
It was during that time when I realised that putting my emotions into poetry was so much more satisfying than simply ranting. And I’d reap the rewards both internally and externally. I’d feel a sense of pride once completing a work I’d spent hours on, and at the same time would have a huge burst in blog traffic. I was both happy and somewhat more healthy, and blogging no longer felt like a chore. It became my favourite pastime activity, and while I would spend hours brainstorming and editing the shortest of poems, it never felt that long. Time would fly by and before I knew it, I’d be starting a new poetry book or thinking of more ideas for my next work.
The lesson I’ve learnt here, and my lesson to you all, is to do what makes you happy. The more passion and love that goes into whatever you’re doing – whether it be blogging, playing a musical instrument or service for others – the more rewards you’ll reap without even feeling like you had to try! Nowadays when I’m lazy, I will post a random one-lined thought along with a nice picture, and it’ll easily rack up at least fifty likes. I even feel guilty at times because I put in zero effort and yet people still appreciate my ‘work’. But being happy doesn’t necessarily mean being happy as a bumpkin or couch potato and expecting to be rewarded. I’m sorry but if that’s what you thought, you’re in the wrong place my friend 😂
The ironic thing regarding blog awards is that I’ve been nominated for three Liebster Awards in the span of two weeks and unlike my excitement over nominations in the past, I’m having trouble finding the motivation to post on them. I will get to them, I promise! Also, I’ve since removed all the award badges I used to have on my sidebar because they cluttered up my browser. Talk about a change of heart!
Just on a side note, some people have asked me if I have any other social media accounts linked to this blog. The answer is unfortunately NO, I don’t. I’ve always been quite a pessimist and don’t like endeavouring into new things. Hence, I find it quite a chore to set up a Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook account, and having to juggle these accounts simultaneously– especially considering I’m in my final year of school and need to focus on study. However in saying this, once I have more spare time I’m planning to hopefully open up an Instagram account and maybe a Facebook account. I’m a little unfamiliar with Facebook though because I’m used to having a personal account, not a page. Does anyone have advice in regards to this?
Thank you all for your endless support and I’ll see you in my next post ❤