It’s been soooo long since my last update and I apologize deeply for being so inactive. The drafted posts have been still going up with the occasional award post, but apart from that I haven’t been able to find the time to update on my personal life…especially since I’ve left you all on such a negative-minded post. I’m so sorry
So how have I been?
Well, last Tuesday was my birthday! The 31st of July. I’m finally 18, which to be honest, doesn’t feel any different. I know that often there are people who make a huge deal about reaching adulthood, by having birthday drinks, visiting casinos and doing anything that puts their “legalness” to an advantage. Me? I just think of age as a number. It doesn’t define how mature I’m expected to be, or the things I’m expected to do. The only things that change are having to vote in elections (ughh…), no longer getting cheaper tickets and getting to sign all those pesky permission slips myself!
Nothing huge happened. I don’t know if it’s a stereotypical Asian thing, but my family has never seen birthdays as huge events. Usually, the least they’ll do is buy a cake, but this time round they didn’t even do that. Not that I’m complaining though– to be honest, I couldn’t really care less about birthdays when it comes to my family. One thing that they always do (mostly talking about Mum), is that throughout the year, they’ll buy me things that I don’t ask for, but never give me presents on my birthday or Christmas. So I guess it does add up in the end. Mum did mention that she “owes me” my birthday present for this year, so I’m assuming she ordered it online, which was to expected…
In the weeks I’ve been away, I’ve had a two-week break from school, and have launched straight into my last full term before exams. It’s kind of daunting to think that I’ll nearly finish school soon, and will be off to university next year. Time really does go quickly, and not while I’m having fun either! So lately, I’ve just been caught up in the usual studies and practice and reading books and any other boredom busters I usually do.
To address the last update I left off on, things are okay now. While I haven’t fully let go of the mistake I made, I guess I don’t resent myself as much as I expressed before. Though…I have made a whole bunch of other mistakes leading on from that in which the guilt still lingers in the back of my mind, but I can only hope that these are just learning curves and not meant to haunt me forever. I’ll probably end up writing a separate post to address these issues, because I do feel as though they are a topic of discussion that I’d like to talk about.
It’s towards the end of the year and since I’m in my final year of school, us Year 12s have been bombarded with emails and presentations to do with applying for university or TAFE. Of course, I’ll be going to university, and on Sunday there’s an open day for the university I’m planning to apply for. As previously expressed on many blog posts, music has been a huge hobby of mine since young and for the past few years I’ve been aspiring to be a professional musician. The original plan was to study for a music degree and complete a teaching degree as a back-up (because speaking honestly, unless you’re a child prodigy, being a classical musician is a hard life). However, I’ve realised that teaching isn’t really my forte and I still love my sciences. Hence, I’d switched paths and decided to do a double major in psychology and music. I have no idea why I never considered this pathway before, as mental health and human behaviour is something I’ve always been interested in. Most especially, I want to be able to help others who are struggling. Not only am I more interested in this course, but I still am able to continue my studies in music, and these days psychology is a growing industry. That’s great news for me, considering that I was worried sick about what the future would hold with a music and teaching degree. Though, to be a qualified psychologist it’s quite work heavy and arduous, but surely…I’ll be able to get through it all.
There’s a lot of factors as to why I decided to switch paths: one main reason (which I’ll discuss in a future post), and a few others, including the fact that I’ve lost confidence in my performance abilities. Recently, my practical assessments have been letting me down; a 64% and 77% versus the near 100% I’d received throughout the whole of last year. My desk partner in ensembles/a close friend of mine has been getting marks a lot higher than I have been, which is a reversal of last year. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to him, but sometimes…I can’t help but listen to him play and think to myself… “he’s so much better than I am.” Also, his Mum is more passionate about his music, and has allowed him to take part in a whole bunch of extra ensembles and programs– while I’m only in the school ensembles. I feel really disadvantaged, especially in terms of resumes and experience with a wide range of ensembles and repertoire. This is in contrast to psychology, which is more based on academia and so far, I’m the top psychology student in the whole cohort. I’m hoping to keep at this so I can get the psychology award at graduation 🙂
That’s all from me for now. Unfortunately I can’t guarantee when my next update will be as I’ll be extremely busy with studies, but hopefully I’ll be able to write-up one more post in the next few months.
May you all have a great day 🙂